Vexatious to the Spirit

Family allegedly Reunited through GenesReunited.com

deajam@hotmail.com — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 14:23:10 GMT

In the War Years of the early 1940s, Carts and his older brother Wolfgang were seperated at a tender young age. Carts was sent to the Cornish Circus to start work on his belly dancing act, and Wolfgang was sent to work as a child spy in Germany where his belly button could be used as a transmitter to send back top secret information to the allies. After years of searching, this week Carts finally achieved what has been a life long quest - to get in contact with his twin brother by alledgedly using the 'Have you got an outy belly button?' section of the Genes Reunited website.

You would expect the likelihood of meeting an estranged brother with a similarly large belly button through the website to actually be quite high, but experts did tell the EDRFC editorial team yesterday that in fact although this is one of the most visited pages on the website (getting over 51,500 hits on average every day) the chances really are actually quite low. They went on to explain that the website gets this massive amounts of 'hits' due to (and i quote) 'the massive comedy interest worldwide in seeing photos of people with large outies'.

EDRFC couldn't believe that there could be so much interest in this, and so we took it upon ourselves to find out by having a few beers in the Bell, Pokesdown to gain some raw data one friday evening - by asking anybody who came near enough to us at the bar for their thoughts on the topic. The results were startling! Of the 37 people we asked leading up to closing time, 36 confessed that they had visited the belly button reunion site just to laugh out loudly, with one rather unfortunately odd looking gentlemen preferring to abstain. The 'experts' did in fact truely know what they were talking about, and it certainly made a difference to the usual friday night where we simply burn anything that belongs to Lawrence.

Anyway, Carts couldn't believe his luck that hidden around the 100s of sarcastic comments on his forums page was one from an ecstatic Woofgang. That simply read 'brov its me.. and I'm bluetoothing this to you through my new update I've had implanted in my outy. I've attached a photo of me after I played 7s for the German National Team at the Beer Festival last week'.

As luck would have it.. we here at the EDRFC website also had our bluetooth switched on and therefore picked up the photo . At first a little unsure of what we had just received it was obvious that Carts did indeed have a twin. See below for yourself...

* you may in fact notice the belly button in this photo has gone 'in' .. this is simply a trick learnt to disguise Wolfgang from the Germans in World War II (apparently he'll show you all at Gentleman's Evening)

No one deserves this good news more Carts :o) We're really made up for you! We've even made this song just to celebrate. And then this one in case you lost your belly button.

Click on these links if this story either makes you want to lose things in your Belly Button or makes you want an outy belly button.

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In Response to the Comments made thus far...

Jamie - watch this very motivational video of fat people starting to 'Fight Back' before heading out on your mission.

This story has gained massive exposure.. no more so than in the USA where it has brought the importance of belly buttons back onto the political and religious agenda. Al Maxey, of Grace Centered Magazine, writes: 'Seriously, one might be somewhat surprised, if not stunned, to learn that the human navel, perhaps better known to most as the "belly button," has been the cause of tremendous theological debate for centuries. Specifically, the question that has led to such scholarly reflection is: Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?' Read the full article here.

EDRFC Players return home from Twickenham - England 20-41 NZ

deajam@hotmail.com — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 17:35:47 GMT

Reports are filtering in from around the county of the return of 6 EDRFC players who were missing in action after watching the England v New Zealand International on Sunday 5th November 2006 at Twickenham. Latest news suggest they have found their way home to a frosty welcome from their wives and girlfriends. Eye witness reports allege that this was a 'particularly heavy session'.

EDRFC reportors have manage to gain some photographic evidence on their efforts to return home:

'EDRFC Centre Phil Leaper falls asleep in Twickenham Urinal'

'EDRFC Scrum Half Kris Bradley stops for a well earnt nap'

'EDRFC Leigh Horrible finds safe passage to cross dangerous road'

' Kiwi Sam sits comfortably whilst watching the game in what he thinks is the new South Stand'

'EDRFC Lock Will Brooks passes out in Taxi on his way home'

EDRFC Fly Half Bear drinks his 2nd pint in the Barmy Arms, Twickenham'

Although incredibly intoxicated the EDRFC players were found only to be particularly happy, in need of throwing their arms around complete strangers and speaking complete and utter bo***ks. Miss Harriet Bush, of 121A Clapham Road, even went as far as saying 'the lads were great fun - the best looking rugby players I've seen in a long time!'

Their amazingly friendly behaviour can only support the call to scrap the rugby alcohol ban at Murrayfield Stadium. The Scottish Rugby Union (SRU) said it believed that this ban contributed to Murrayfield missing out on hosting next year's Powergen Rugby League Challenge Cup Final.

EDRFC in no way supports the anti social behaviour associated with binge drinking, and would advise all who consume 2 units of alcohol or more in one sitting - to consider the damage it may do to you health*. EDRFC also reserve the right to completely deny that any of their players in the Twickenham area or otherwise have ever or will ever move any form of road sign.

Anyone who has been affected by this story and needs support please click on the link below:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/addictions/typesaddiction_alcohol.shtml

*Health = 'the complete state of physical, mental and social well being, and not merely the absence of disease'.

EDRFC Captain pulls blonde

deajam@hotmail.com — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 17:28:29 GMT

Spotted at a recent celebrity event for fans of the film 'Brokeback Mountain', EDRFC skipper Morgan Leadbitter was found in the arms of a rather good looking blonde. When questioned on his behaviour that night, Morgan was convinced that he had in his arms 'Michelle Williams' who stared as 'Alma' in the film. Michelle, 26, a small town girl born and raised in rural Kalispell, Montana is currently one of Hollywood's up and coming actresses.

Unfortunately, the photo evidence suggests otherwise.. and the convening panel of the EDRFC disciplinary committee found that Morgan was in fact guilty of being in the arms of his estranged brother Corin Leadbitter (the ex-EDRFC scrum half) in drag.

Upon questioning, Howard Larkin who chaired the panel raised the issue 'do we want this man as captain?' especially because... 'he hadn't made the effort to shave his armpits'. Thoughts please... below...